Feeling lyrical

If you had a choice, then what would you choose to do? I could live without money, I could live without the fame and if everyday was sunny, I could live without the rain. And if I ever went up to Heaven, I would fall right back down.. that life wouldn't be living because you're the one I couldn't live without.


My family, I love you.

Sick

I feel gross. All I've eaten in the past 24 hours is a few bites of muffin, a bite of a banana, a bite of an orange, and a mandarin. I just have no appetite. Plus, last night my whole body was aching like you wouldn't believe, it hurt so much. Once the nurofen kicked in I could tolerate it but uggggh this morning I still feel weak and quite horrible. So I've been watching movie trailers and listening to "With You In My Head" by UNKLE ft. The Black Angels.

The Truman Show (1998)

Truman: Was nothing real?
Christof: You were real. That's what made you so good to watch. There is no more truth out there than there is in the world I created for you. The same lies, the same deceit. But in my world, you have nothing to fear

Happy Update

It's 11:27pm right now on Monday the 12th of July 2010 and I'm feeling alright. Not my best but I know everything will be okay and that's enough right now. So last week my sister Clare (my absolute best friend in the whole world who kinda makes me feel happier than anyone else ever) came over with her husband and my amazing amazing amazing 6 month old nephew. They left yesterday which hurt me as much as it always does and saying goodbye to them has become the thing I dread most in my life. But! I'm not going to get too depressing on you because 1) the 12 days they spent here were absolutely fantastic and I was the happiest I've been in a long while and 2) THEY'RE COMING HOME FOR GOOD! As in MOVING HERE! Now, chances are that you don't really know me too well so you can't particularly grasp just how huge this is for me. This news literally changes my whole life and my whole outlook on life and has immediately given me a reason to disregard all the shit and focus on what's amazing! I've said to myself so many times that if I was granted one wish it would be to have my sister and my nephew come home so that our family can be brought back together again. It's hurt too much for too long having my sister, and now my nephew, so far away and so out of reach. It's like, you could find things that could make you smile but sometimes there's one thing that would make that smile bigger than everything else put together and I've felt seperated from that during times when I needed it most. So as you can maybe imagine a little now, I am more excited for this than I've pretty much been for anything so yeah I am literally buzzing! There have been so many times in my life where I've thought to myself "this would be so much better if I could share it with Clare" and in many ways it's stopped me from being my happiest. And it's never been anybody's fault, it's just been something that's affected me in such a way because I have so much love for my family. But now, things are changing and I can taste a sweetness in the air that I truly needed to taste. Not to mention that I will now be able to properly see my nephew grow up! And that is one of the greatest gifts because I love that little boy with a kind of love that I didn't think was possible to have been created in 6 months. He makes me so happy and I'd do anything for him. I honestly cannot wait for this new life to begin.